if only i could text you this smell
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Randomize
