She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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