I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
