He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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