Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
