Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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