What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
