Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
What a dumb baby whore.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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