Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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