my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
