i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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