Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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