i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
