the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
i think my cat just said my name.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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