I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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