You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
