so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
my poor anus
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
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