so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
