Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I am one with the molecules
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Randomize
