Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
