And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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