how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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