i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
