I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I think I am morally bankrupt
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
