He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
