take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
