She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
