proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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