none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
