Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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