were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
