Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
