Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
