He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
