i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Why are your pants in the freezer?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
