her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
