there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
