remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
