She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
