can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Randomize
