The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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