So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
