so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
