you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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