I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
