About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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