I'm really into asian looking animals
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
