My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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