Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
