I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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